THE FRAGILE MIND

It was a Thursday night in the month of August, I was just scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook. It was the usual content about the ongoing political issues, the updates about the Tokyo Olympics and the stories of the young champs who made us all proud. Along with it was the news feed about the wedding of my schoolmates and some unknown Facebook friends whom I went to the same school/college with, but never ever had a conversation once in my life. That’s when one feed struck me; I scrolled past it…and then came back to the same. It is the news about a young medico, a post graduate trainee doctor who ended her life and was found in her hostel room with no life left in her. It was shocking to me, not because a fellow female doctor of the same age as me ended her own precious life, or the tragedy of the mental stress young doctors are facing these days. It is because I knew this person personally, we went to the same school, and she was not just some unknown Facebook friend. This person sat next to me in my class when I was doing my 10th standard. I have shared my food with her, we have laughed, had many girl talks, and we have studied together. I felt like… DAMN!! Is this for real? But how? Why??...and some hundred other questions raced through my mind.

I didn’t know what caused her to take this extreme decision. I was not in touch with her after high school. I never knew she studied medicine. But for a moment all these factors skipped my mind and I was just the small girl sitting next to her in our classroom in 10th standard. I vividly remember that she was a very soft-spoken person. She was a good singer; she was trained in classical music. The entire class would always recommend her for a song during any of the events. She was good at her studies. All in all, a very talented young girl. Anyone who met her would see a promising young girl, who would make an impact in this world. They would have also seen her as someone who was capable of touching many lives. And as it turned out to be (even though I lost touch with her) she went on to become a doctor, who in fact would have made an impact in people’s lives. I wasn’t sure whether the medicine was her choice or by chance or someone else’s choice for her. But all these things didn’t matter now. She is gone forever; the news of her death came as a small coverage in a news daily for one day. And few friends on Facebook shared the news of mourning her death. Her department might conduct a prayer a few days later. Her batchmates and close friends would mourn her death for months. Then what? The news fades, and people move on; this news goes to the archives of a long list of suicides of young doctors. Then life is back to normal.

But what about her family who has faced an irreconcilable loss, what about the events and circumstances which made her take this decision. Will anyone talk about it, maybe a few. And then, there will come another day bearing the tragic news of yet another young doctor who has ended his/her own life. The cycle will repeat itself. Yes, it definitely will. As terrible as it sounds, if we don’t talk about it/ act on it many more lives will be lost. It’s high time; we looked into this issue more seriously. The above is just one example, there are numerous other doctors taking such extreme decisions. What makes them do so? Aren’t they the fortunate ones, they are in a profession, which is almost the dream of every Indian parent. If this is the ultimatum, then why is life still tragic?.

If we look into it, there is a long list of causes; the reasoning can go on and on. A study about suicide among young doctors published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry recently said that depression has been considered one of the important reasons for suicide, other reasons were burnout, financial stressors, marital discord and harassment. As a young doctor myself, I would say the medical profession is not as glamorous as it looks, one should take it up only if driven by true passion. And the journey is long and tedious. Most young doctors, would have faced a situation where one of their relatives or neighbours would have asked them. “ unakku enna pa, doctor Aagita, life settled dhaan”(what for you man? You are a doctor now, with a secured life) First of all that is far from true, second of all being a doctor is one of the most stressful of all professions. And in the era of the pandemic, somehow we are expected to be superheroes. This applies to the whole medical community, right from the bottom down to high up the hierarchy. The situation is far worse when we look at the people at the bottom of the pyramid, especially for postgraduate trainee doctors. I wouldn’t be exaggerating when I say they are forced to have inhuman work hours in many places. And they are just expected to be superhumans. What people often forget is, they are just like any other human being. They possess their own tolerance levels, and their own potential to overcome stress. Scientifically put, genetic vulnerability, the propensity to develop a depressive disorder, positive family history, along with the environmental factors all together contribute to the risk and it varies from one individual to the other. Somehow, this particular fact is forgotten once they start their training

The general notion is, all young doctors who work in the same position have the same threshold for tolerating stress. What they fail to understand is, some tend to be fragile and they can easily break. In such a scenario, nobody is to be blamed in particular. I would say a change in perspective could be one possible way to change. Overworking shouldn’t be glorified, as long as we glorify overworking, being stressed out is considered normal. Those who cannot take that stress become the weaker ones. There is a pattern here. Unless we identify and rectify this, the trend won’t change. As long as the normalisation of mental stress continues in the medical community, unless we talk about it, nobody in power will notice. No one will take a step towards lessening the burden of the healthcare system in India and the situation of doctors. It is not okay to work for 48 to 72 hours continuously; it is not okay to expect a young individual to completely ignore their mental well-being. Some could carry on no matter what, but some wouldn’t be able to. That doesn’t mean they are weak, it means they need some help and a break to carry on with their lives.

The problem here is, the system is unbelievably overwhelmed and under staffed. This in turn leads to young doctors being over worked. But the worst part here is normalising everything. As the popular saying goes, the main burden here is not the problem itself, the major issue is knowing that there is a problem and not acting on it and normalising it. Simply put, it is like we are trying to fill in say, 20 litres of water in containers without checking the size, there will be containers with a capacity of 50litres for which holding 20 litres is nothing, it would be a breeze. But when we try to fill in all 20 litres in a container with a capacity of 10 litres that’s when then the problem arises. As a fellow doctor and psychiatrist, I feel people in the medical fraternity and those out of it should start talking about the mental health of medical professionals. We are humans first; our hearts are not made of steel, and it is just flesh and blood like anyone else. So it is okay to feel depressed, it is okay to feel overwhelmed, it is okay to feel as if you are at the end of the world. No matter what, just remember, there is always, I mean always there is a solution, there is a way out. But that solution will never be ending one’s own life. This is just a phase and there is always a beautiful life ahead once you come out of this phase. So be inclusive, be aware and talk about your feelings and seek professional help when needed. After all, at the end of the day we are individuals with emotions and feelings. That’s what makes us humans.